29 Oct Thank you for sharing Christmas blessings with Anthony!
“I always knew I was loved, but I didn’t always know if I was safe.”
Divorced parents, frequent moving, and a single-parent upbringing led to an unstable childhood for Anthony. He was close with his mom, who did her best to care for him – but she faced her own struggles with abusive relationships, which created even more fear for him.
“I would hear crazy fights and arguments and try to remove myself mentally from the situation as much as I could,” he says. “It was hard not being able to help and not knowing if my mother was going to be ok.”
Though he was struggling, he thought it would be safer to keep everything to himself. “I didn’t want to trust or rely on anybody,” he explains. “I learned how to be ok not being ok.”
But the more he hid his feelings, the more trapped and alone he felt. He tried escaping his worries through activities he could get lost in, like skateboarding. Then, as a teenager, he started experimenting with drugs and alcohol. At first, substances provided the escape he was looking for – but soon, addiction took over his life.
“My addiction got worse and worse, to the point where I could no longer reach that dead-end state of mind where nothing bothered me anymore. I couldn’t do it with drugs and alcohol, and I couldn’t live sober. I felt so trapped; I didn’t know what to do.”
His addiction combined with his trust issues led to strained relationships and two failed marriages. He tried to hide his struggles from the people who loved him most, not realizing he was pushing them away.
“I felt like if people knew me fully, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I felt like an impostor.”
In his second marriage, his wife supported him through addiction, sobriety attempts, and relapses – but after years of broken promises, she lost hope. When she left, Anthony hit rock bottom.
“I was living in the home we had built together, alone, surrounded by memories of what I lost to this addiction, which ultimately wasn’t giving me any happiness anymore. I decided then that something had to change, or there was no point in me living anymore. I couldn’t continue the way I was going.”
Knowing he was struggling, his mom reached out and invited Anthony to come stay with her. She had been researching addiction treatment options, and one in particular seemed like the right fit – our Life Change Addiction Recovery Program at the Market Street Mission.
At first, Anthony resisted the idea of seeking help; but when he reflected on what his life had become, he knew he needed to take that step.
He was nervous to join the program. But on his first morning here, when he went to breakfast, everyone cheered, ‘new guy, welcome!’, and made him feel at home.
“Before coming to the Mission, I didn’t feel like a part of anything. I had been alone for that last year in my depression, so to have all these people welcoming me was really special,” he remembers.
Anthony was ready to change, but from past experience, he knew he didn’t have the power to make it happen – he needed something greater than himself.
“There was no part of this equation I didn’t try to fix to get rid of this addiction and live a decent life, free of drugs and alcohol, but I couldn’t do it on my own. When I got here, I felt like I was starting new. I was so broken. I was able to say, ‘God, I trust. Whatever you’ve got in store for me, it’s got to be better than this.’ As soon as I opened that door, I started to make progress, and it was pretty miraculous.”
The structure of work therapy, 12-step recovery meetings, and life skills classes helped him grow. He found comfort in community, learning to share his feelings and trust the people around him. And through counseling, he opened up about the pain of his past and began healing his heart and mind.
“What I ultimately needed was to feel like my life mattered and could have an impact on people in a positive way,” he explains. “I’ve definitely found that here.”
This holiday season, Anthony is celebrating his newfound peace and sense of purpose, thanks to your prayers and support. He recently graduated from our addiction recovery program and now serves as a program intern, mentoring other men as they work toward recovery. He even took a training course to become a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist! He sees now that the pain of his past can help encourage others through their hard times.
His ultimate goal? “I want to pass along the hope I received here.”
Thank you for believing in Anthony and making a way to rebuild his life. “I’m thankful to the Mission because they gave me a new chance at life when I thought it was over. I’m living proof that it’s never too late.”
To read the rest of this issue of Market Street Mission Messenger, click here.
Help other people like Anthony…
Anthony’s story of hope and healing is inspiring. Our long-term recovery program exists to help other men find healing. Will you provide this help to others?